The Feral Alchemist
by trekki859
Summary: a tortured soul, a benevolent bastard, a heartless game. what awaits the Elrics when truth shows them a way home? will they finally get there peace? or will the be forced to play to his tune? or will truth be the one who gets played? slightly A/U. OC/Ed set after the conquer of shambala. Inspired by Lefay Strent's "The Blood Alchemist" my first fic! be gentle!
1. A new game?

A/N. my very first fic! inspired and influenced by LeFay Strent's "the blood alchemist" a highly recommended read!

I still cant believe im actually posting something i wrote. ^^ PLEASE review! i really need to know how it is! in my mind is really low quality, but i really really did try!

disclaimer! i dont own anything!

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Entry date August 30th 2011

_I don't believe it, I dont know if I CAN believe it, I want to say it was all a hallucination, but if it was, then I wouldn't have these tattoos on my arms, and I most certainly wouldn't have a philosophers stone... I dont even know why im writing this, I NEVER keep a diary, but after what happened... I think I should. It started out as a simple fishing trip on the river __but.. now... I dont even know anymore..._

Flashback. August 23rd 2011.

smiling, I lean back against the side of the boat, cracking my back in the process, letting out a relaxed sigh as I look across the boat to my fishing rod, following the neon green line into the muddy brown of the river. Enjoying the warm summer breeze blowing my hair around.

"now THIS. Is how you relax.." I say aloud, to no one but myself as I lean to the side and turn on the radio. Smiling wider when I instantly recognize the song. Rocking my head back and forth to the beat.

"It was nineteen eighty-nine, my thoughts were short my hair was long, caught somewhere between a boy and man. She was seventeen and far from in-between, it was summer time in northern Michigan."

I sigh again, smiling as I prop my feet up, leaning against the aluminum hull of the boat, letting my head fall back, closing my eyes as the sun hits them, enjoying the warmth on my skin.

I lay like that for a while, eyes closed, my right hand resting idly on my rod, my index finger resting gently against the line, as to feel a hit if I were to get one. Not a care in the world, as this was one of the only times I was truly able to relax, and not worry about anything in life, not my lack of friends, nor the strenuous situation at home, nor the crippling emotional pain all of this caused me, and most certainly not _that. _That hidious thing that caused me pain every time I looked at myself.

no. out here, nothing matters. I don't have to think about anything, I can loose myself to the wind and water. No fights, no family pressuring me, no friends, well not that I had any anyway. I could just let my mind wander.

Wait. Was that...?

looking back up I swinging my legs back onto the floor of the boat, and stare at my line. adjusting my rod for a two handed grip as I stand up slowly, letting a little line out. Watching as the neon green line spins out of the bail, snapping it closed a moment later.

"aha! Gotcha you little S.O.B!" I shout out as I jerk the rod back, feeling the unmistakable yank and bounce of a fish on the the line.

"holy hell!" I yelp when my the rod bends in half, a heavy-duty carbon-fiber "_King Kat"_ river rod. This was one hell of a fish! I just grin to myself as I widen my stance, bracing the butt of the rod against my thight as I lean backwards a little, working the reel.

"come on dammit!" I shout again as the line rips back out a ways with the rapid clicking of the drag. I bring my left hand to the reel and tighten it just a bit. A decision that will soon come back to haunt me.

As I reel the fish in, which was surely a catfish that this river was famous for, leaning backwards then forwards as I quickly turn the reel a few times before repeating the process.

On the fifth turn however, disaster struck. As I was leaning backwards, the line snapped. Sending my tumbling backwards.

"SHIIIIT!" I yelp out as I drop the rod with a clank, before I sail over the edge of the boat into the river, in barley a seconds time I had gone from having fun fighting the biggest fish of my life. To being underwater, rather freezing water I might add.

Fighting back the urge to scream, I struggle to get my bearings in the thick muddy brown water, the second I do I make for the surface, my lungs screaming for air as I swim as fast as I can upwards, hoping that the powerfull current hasn't dragged me to far from the boat.

Turns out, it didint.

_CRACK._

I must have come up just beneath the boat for the last thing I remember, is the sharp pain in my head as I hit it against it.

And then... nothing.

Well, not nothing I suppose, just.. white. Nothing but white. And the sensation that I was floating.

"think.. what happened... fishing, I was fishing. I had got a hooked a heavy one and...oh... the line snaped... water.. no air..."

"oh." I say as I remember the throbbing pain of my head hitting the aluminum hull of the boat.

"Im dead aren't I...?" I say aloud, surprised that I could breath. Given I was underwater when my memory stopped.

I stay there, floating for the longest time. Thinking about my life, or lack there of. For my regrets were many. I kept thinking over and over how I wish I had treated my family better, and how I wish I had the courage to tell them. And yet.. I was strangely.. happy.

I wouldn't have to deal with life anymore, I wouldn't have to worry about pleasing anyone, or disappointing anyone.

"**if only it was that easy."**

"who's there!?" I shout, a shiver crawling up my spine, the echos of the voice appearing to emanate from alldirections at once.

"**you have not earned the right to know my name."** the voice speaks again, a rather cold edge to it, making me shiver again.

"what do you want from me?" I ask fear evident in my voice, it only gets worse as it breaks out in laughter.

"**i have a gift for you my dear child."** it says as the light starts fading, again I shiver, for the tone of its voice, just emanated power and pure... evil...

* * *

As the light fades, I start to notice things the clothes on my body, still waterlogged from falling into the river, the chill that's coming from them, making me shiver, the hard surface Im laying on. The total lack of sound, save for my own breathing and a soft hum.

After a moment I try wiggling my fingers, then my toes, when I feel them respond I open my eyes, seeing a domed ceiling bathed in a soft red light, I stare at it for a moment before I sit up, groaning at as my head throbs in pain making the world spin.

"uuuuuuhhhhgg" I moan as I cling to the pedestal I didn't notice before, from the top of it, the red light seems to be emanating.

Now normally, this would throw up quite a few red flags in my mind, very, very bad red flags. Like how did I get here? Or how do I get out? And most importantly, whatever glows red in a small dark room, DONT GO NEAR!

But, as it stands the sheer oddity of the situation, and the pain from the knot throbbing on the back of my head, made me over look all of these as I stood up, once again grabbing the pedestal for support.

"what in the world..." I mumble as I look down at it, eying the glowing red gem like stone resting in the middle of it, I stare at it, mesmerized by the soft glow, studying it intently, taking note of the size of it, that of a large baseball, and the perfect roundness of it, and the many many facets carved into it.

After a while, I the pedestal itself draws my attention, or more precisely, the eight black lines on it that appear to be coming from the stone, staring at them I follow them with my eyes as they spiral to the edge of the pedestal and down it, stepping back I follow them all the way to the wall, were a circle is marked into the floor with strange symbols around it, I stare at it thinking, as it strikes a familiar cord in my mind.

"think mike, think." I mumble to myself as I try to recall were I've seen it before. For I KNOW I have seen it before, or at least something very similar to it.

"wait. Red... stone... no friggin way." I say aloud as my head snaps back towards the stone and then at the circle around it, or to be more precise the _transmutation_ circle around it.

"what. The. Frak." I say as I stare at it. Could it be? Was I looking at a real philosophers stone? Was that voice I spoke to truth? But that made no sense! They were all fictional characters weren't they?

"i swear to god... if someone is pulling a prank Imma break my foot off in there ass." I mumble as I walk over to the stone, reaching my hand out to grab it. I pause just before I do, feeling a soft warmth coming from it.

"this is a bad idea..." I say, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Taking a look around I sigh when I see there are no exits.

"fuck it. Here goes nothing." I say as wrap my hand around it.

I immediately regret it.

"**AHHHHH!"**

I scream out in pain as the light flares up, becoming almost blinding as it burns my hand. I try to let go but I find it impossible as if my hand was glued to the stone. Infact, I find I cant move my body at all as I wither in pain.

I stare in a morbid curiosity as the transmutation circle around the stone glows bright red. A moment later, my screams intensify as the circle appears to _Flow_ onto my arm, a intense burning pain following it, and growing more intense.

Louder and louder I scream, as the pain envelops my body, crawling up my arm, then down my chest and and finally to my other arm. the red glow getting brighter and brighter. Until finally, I pass out.

"uuuuuuuuuuuhhhg.." I groan out, my eyelids slowly fluttering open. Wincing I close them when the bright midday sun strikes them.

"ooooowww." I groan out again, listing to the water gently slosh against the side of the boat, and the sounds of cars passing on the bridge that's a ways up the river.

"dah fuck..." I moan out as I slowly sit up, my fishing rod sliding off my chest as a warm breeze hits me while I try to remember what happened.

"okay... so I lost the fish that much is obvious... I fell backwards.. didn't I... oh shit!" I mumble to myself retracing my steps before I snap my eyes open with an shout as I remember the events following my unfortunate bail out. looking around suddenly, grunting at the pain in the back of my head.

"what... the... fuck..." I say outloud, taking a moment to look at my right hand, the one which I had used to grab the philosophers stone. I almost start laughing when I see its empty, however I stop myself with a startled choke before I even start as I notice something almost as disturbing.

"Oh, _hell_ no." I mumble to myself as I stare at the black markings peaking out from under my thin long sleeve shirt. Reaching my hand out I hesitantly grab it, taking a breath before I pull it up, gasping when I do.

I stare blankly at my arm, or to be more precise, the array of blank ink now covering it, drawing a very intricate design that wraps around my wrist and spirals up my arm, with smaller lines inter connecting the two large ones, I follow it all the way up my arm before it disappears under my shirt again.

"no. fucking. Way. This is really happening." I say in shock as I study the designs a bit more.

A car horn from the bridge stuns me out of my trans and I jump slightly letting out the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"the stone!" I almost shout to myself as I think of the rest of my supposed dream.

Looking around the Grey floor around me I start panicking a little more when I spot it laying right were my hand was when I woke up, unsure wither or not to be relived or terrified.

"ok... what... the... hell..." I mutter to myself as I stare at the stone for the longest time thinking to myself.

I had nearly died, more likely I HAD died. Or come close enough that truth pulled me into the gate.. and.. gave me a philosophers stone? Everything I knew about the character meant that was BAD.

Disregard that. I still don't know if I can believe it, they say seeing is believing but when everything of science and logic and common sense SCREAMS its impossible... it usually is.

I panic. Breathing in and out quickly obviously hyperventilating, I try to calm myself taking deep breaths, counting backwards, thinking peaceful thoughts, all the while trying to come up with a explanation for what was happening to me.

As Im sitting there staring at the stone trying to calm myself and think, and old scientific philosophy drifts into my head.

"when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains no matter how unlikely is the truth." It helped thinking that, but my idea of what was possible and what wasn't was just shot to hell. As it stands, all I can do is believe what happened was real. As there was undeniable proof staring me in the face.

…..._Even now, after a week I still dont know what to belive. I feel violated, __**reality.**__ the one thing I could always count on, no matter how much I hated it, had just turned upside down and spit in my face. And all the while keeping its innocent smile as time went by as if nothing happened. Its all I can do to keep myself in some semblance of sanity._

September 20th 2011.

_the tattoos are still there, and the stone is still here. Infact, I haven't had it out of my sight since I found it. Most of the time I keep it in my pocket, its reassuring weight reminding me that Im not crazy. Holding it in my hand is the only way I can sleep anymore, it calms the racing thoughts questioning my sanity._

October 1st 2011.

_I hate this! Nothing! No matter what I do, no matter how many different times I try, circle, no circle, clap, no clap, I cant get the goddamn thing to work! I hate feeling so powerless! Is there nothing I can do but wait? Its driving me insane!_

November 23th 2011

_fuck it all. I don't care anymore. Nothings going to happen. Nothing will EVER change..._

I don't know how long I sat in my car, the heat from the drive to school quickly dissipating. My breath starting to fog once more. The smoke rising from my cigarette laying idle in the ashtray. My eyes locked just above it, on the date/time display on my car stereo.

December twenty third.

Fuck. You. Life.

I fume silently to myself, snapping myself out of my frozen state and picking up my smoke when the clock blips from eleven fifty nine to noon.

"goddamnit mike." I curse myself as I open the door of my truck, grabbing my back and jumping out.

And promptly falling on my ass thanks to the ice.

"GODDAMNIT!" I scream at the sky, furious.

Standing back up I slam my door, stomping off towards the entrance to the college.

Four. Fucking. Months.

Four months of wondering what the hell was happening to me, four months of wanting something, anything to happen. And four months of NOTHING.

I growl as I yank open the glass door, a scowl firmly locked on my face as I kick to snow off of my shoes on the entrance rug before stomping off down the hallway, my hands balled tightly in fists.

As I think back on the past four months, of how I was shocked senseless by the sudden appearance of this stone, a philosophers stone at that. Oh how I had hoped that it could change me. That I could leave this never ending hell that is my reality.

Only to for it to spit right back in my face. Every fucking day and night for the next four months. My scowl deepens as the bell rings and students start pouring into the hallways, bumping into me left and right. I clench my fists tighter, digging my nails into my palms, actually managing to draw blood.

I really. REALLY. Don't care at this point. I was so desperate for something to happen, and hating myself for still hoping. I couldn't give a flying fuck how it happened anymore either, Wither I got there in time to change things or not.

Hell. For all I cared right now I could walk headfirst into the Elrics right now and let them use the stone.

**CRASH.**

I yelped, as I fell backwards on my ass for the second time in the past fifteen minutes. My look of surpise quickly turns into one of rage as I look at the tiny kid who had triped me up, sitting a few feet infront of me rubbing the back of his head.

"goddamnit all!" I shout as I slap my hand onto the ground beside me in a useless fit of rage. Literally seeing red.

I glare at this kid, as he opens his eyes. Watching as he flinches back in shock.

Wait. What?

I frown as I look at him, my rage suddenly dulled into confusion, did I really look that scary right now?

I glance down at myself.

oh.

that's why.

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was it good? i really really hope it was! i really tried at this one ^^ please review, and hope on over to Lefay Strent's page to see what inspired it!


	2. Unfortunate timing

SO! chapter two! and its official! i fail at updating! and i really am sorry. but im sorry to say... untill i can get on my feet and into a stable living environment this is going to be the way things are. i feel ashamed, this chapter to me is extremely short when i write my private blabbing i can get twenty thousand words easy in an hour or two when i get in my zone, problem is.. i just cant get in the zone like that for this story, ive been to stressed out lately but on the bright side i have been really enjoying writing this! its relaxing ^^ i just get nervous as im actually publishing it, metaphorically speaking anyway. and despite my next few weeks being extremely booked, im actually thinking if i can keep this motivation going i might be able to get the next chapter out within two weeks, i really will try anyway but i make no promises.

and by the way, i beg. BEG. for someone to beta for me.

oh, and as its soooooo obvious that i might own the series just cause im writing about it, heres me saying i down own anything.

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My hand was glowing. It was GLOWING.

No.

It was the array tattooed to me that was glowing, somehow I had finally activated it. After months of pain and suffering and endless frustration, it had activated without me even trying.

"NO!" I shout, mostly at the two blond haired boys standing in front of me, who knowing my luck were probably the elric brothers.

Ignoring the dozens of frightened stares I was getting I got to my feet, glaring at them, focusing all the hurt and hate I was feeling on them.

Without so much as a word, I turn around walking back the way I came, the crowd parting before me, looks of fear in there face, taking one last glance back I finally notice what I had transmuted, besides healing myself I had created a flower. A fucking flower made out of the freaking carpet, if the circle of bare cement around it was any indication. I stare at it a second longer before I break into a full sprint, my rage quickly turning into pain and fear.

I don't even look at the faces of people I bump into running out of the place, making a mad dash for my truck, I actually manage to miss slipping on the ice this time, surprising given I wasn't even paying attention to where I was going.

The moment I get to my truck I collapse, sliding to the ground beside the door, well hidden thanks to the van parked right beside me. Fishing in my pocket for my smokes I sigh, ponding my head against the door of my truck I light up, inhaling the harsh cold menthol taste, the icy air intensifying it.

"Turning the plant matter of the cotton fibers of the carpet into a rose, you even used the pigment from the carpet to color it correctly. Quite the complex transmutation you just pulled off. Mind telling us how?" I groan and pond my head against the door again, leaving a good stinging sensation on the back of my head.

"Edward. What. The. Fuck." I growl out getting up, drawing a scowl out of him.

"I think if anyone deserves a mother fraking explanation here its me. Reality shat brix and I'm doing my best not to go insane thank you very much!" I shout at him.

"do you have any IDEA what I've been through the past four months you jackass!?" I shout at him, pushing my figure against his chest, a shocked look playing across has face while anger clouded his eyes.

"Do you have any IDEA how long I've been waiting to fucking run into you guys!?" I shout out in my own rage, making him flinch, not giving him the chance to speak.

"Four months! Four fucking months!" I growl at him taking a quick puff on my cigarette, my eyes glaring daggers at him.

"I was convinced I had gone crazy, id given up and accepted that nothing was ever going to happen. You think you can just show up and turn things upside down AGAIN!?" I shake my head at him as I open the door to my truck, just as alphonse runs up, hardly paying him any attention.

"I've had enough of this bullshit." I say simply as I start my truck, watching as Alphonse makes to speak.

"And before you ask, I'll meet you here at midnight tonight." I say just before I start out of the parking lot. Ignoring the dumbfounded looks on there face as I leave.

* * *

"Why. Why! WHY!" I shout into my pillow as I bang my head against the wall. My face red from the tears id been shedding for hours, having finally snapped after all of the stress from the past four months.

I don't know how long I had been there laying in my bed, I had drove around for nearly an hour after I left that parking lot, releasing the pent up stress and anger that had bubbled to the surface thanks to that stupid stone.

"uuhhhhg." I groan out as I finally sit up to look at the clock.

"wow." I say simply my eyes widening slightly as I look at the clock, 11:15 pm.

I had been sobbing for nearly ten hours. I'm pathetic. Sighing I stand up, cracking my back and groaning, the fetal position is not good for the back.

Looking around my room I groan. My room was disgusting. My alchemy drawings were all over the walls, depicting the array tattooed on my arms and the one I saw in the room with the stone, all perfectly drawn from memory.

"God I'm pathetic." I mutter as I start pulling them off the walls and putting them in a pile, drawing after drawing, page after page of notes, all arranged into neet piles.

With a sigh I sit down on the bed holding an empty manila folder in my hand, picking up the papers I neatly slide them together, taking care not to bend the corners.

Standing up I take one last look around the room, walking over the corner i kneel down to the floor and grab the screwdriver leaning against the wall. Sliding it in-between the off colored floorboard I pry it open, looking at the hiking pack hidden under it. The emergency supply's I had put together a few weeks after I found the stone, in case I ended up in amastres.

"pathetic." I say as I pick it up, scowling at the bag.

"Nothing will ever change, I will never get what I want, I will never get to be me. Im stupid for even thinking its possible."

I mutter to myself as I leave my room, closing the door behind my, scowling at the transmutation circle I had taped to the door.

_Why am I even doing this?_ I think to myself as I walk up the stairs from the basement.

"Maybe…. Nah. Not possible." I mutter to myself as I reach the top.

"Going somewhere mike?" I hear my dad's voice directly in front of me, and I jump silently cursing myself for not paying attention.

"Yea, just meeting a friend from school, ed. He wasn't in today and needs his homework, I copied mine for him." I say holding up the folder, feeling nervous lying to him.

"ah, that's fine. Just be back by two." He says as he goes back to his ciggerete. I nod to him as walk past him, opening the door, letting the cold frigid December air.

I stand there a second, next to dad as he smokes his ciggerete idly ashing in the old coffee can on the bottom of the step, staring at the big puffy snowflakes falling, tinted orange by the street lights giving the whole area an eerie orange glow.

"Alight, I'll see you later dad." I say walking towards my truck, trudging through the light layer of compacted snow across the driveway.

Getting in my truck I sigh as I start it, my breath lightly fogging the window until I turn on the defroster. I don't bother waiting for the car to warm up, my nerves getting the best of me, wanting to get there as soon as possible.

I feel as if my heart is trying to burst from my chest, beating so loud I can FEEL it in my ears, forcing me to take deep breaths in an effort to calm myself, rather ineffectively I might add.

"just calm down mike. You're just going to give them the dumb rock and get on with your pathetic little life, you're not going with them. You're not worth taking with." I mutter to myself quietly as I near the school.

As I approach the school I slow down, dropping down to ten miles an hour as I enter the parking lot. Stopping in the middle of it I shiver, more from the anticipation and anxiety then the cold.

Grabbing the gear shift I slam it in park, leaving the engine running shutting off the headlights a moment later. Taking a quick look around the parking I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, the orange glow from the streetlights tinting everything orange, giving the place a creepy feeling.

Liteing a cigarette I reach out and turn on the heat, following with the radio a second later, Freezing when I hear the song that comes on.

"Look….. if you had….. one shot….. one opportunity… to seize everything you ever wanted… one moment…. would you capture it?... Or just let it slip?"

Growling I shut the radio off, taking a moment to exhale a cloud of smoke.

_There's no such thing as second chances mike. What are you going to do?_

I shake my head, trying to lose the unnecessary thoughts from my mind. Even as I start doubting my reasoning I look around the parking lot, taking another drag from the cancer stick hanging from my lip.

_He gave you the stone. Out of seven fucking billion, he gave it to you. There has to be a reason._

I shake my head as the thought runs through my head for the millionth time, shaking my head in resentment, I open the mid-thigh pocket on my cargo pants.

Slipping my hand into the pocket I sigh in contentment as I pull out softball sized stone, the soft red glow illuminating the cabin of the car for a moment, only for it to go dark a second later when I put it back in my pocket.

_Ok say there is a chance….. NO!_

"damnit!" I shout as I pound the dashboard. Drawing blood from my knuckles in the process, I gasp a second later when a glimmer of red light sparks around them for half a second, the pocket the stone was in becoming uncomfterbly warm.

"Why… just… goddamnit." I mutter to myself as I take another drag of my smoke the crisp menthol taste calming me once more. As I do though as pair of headlights pass by my truck, making me jump in my seat.

Taking a deep breath I shake my head, my thoughts racing. _What are you going to do mike. What! You're out of time!_

I all but shout to myself mentally as the car pulls into the parking lot, my pulse quickening as the car gets closer and closer to my truck, as it does I notice the model of it and laugh.

_A Mercedes ofcourse, I guess the accumulated a lot of money over the years._

I half think, half mutter to myself as it parks a few spaces across from me, and with a sigh I open my door, grabbing the thick folder on the passenger seat I jump out…. And once more I slip on the ice, my feet going skyward I bash my head on running board.

"God damnit." I mutter to myself as I lay there, hearing two car doors open a moment later I slowly get up.

"if there is a god. He hates me." I say loud enough for them to hear as I close the door on my truck.

"I've heard that one before. Trust me, I know how it feels." A voice speaks out and I look up, seeing Edward whom is the smaller of the twins in front of me.

Bending over I pick up my cigarette and re-lite it, the snow having dampened it slightly. Looking him at a second I smile, and hold out my hand to him.

"sorry for being an ass earlier I.. uh… well, it's been a crazy four months. I thought I was going insane." I say as he shakes my hand. Taking it back as he nods.

"Four months? What happened four months ago?" the taller grey eyed boy next to him speaks out, sounding exactly like allophones from the show, smiling I nod to him.

"Four frakking months ago, truth gave me this." I say as I open my cargo pocket and pull out the stone, its soft glow reflecting off of my, its calming warm sensation once again running through me, clearing my thoughts with it making me smile lightly at it as I take another drag of my ciggerte, dropping the butt and stamping it out on the snow.

My smile widens at the stunned expressions that spread across their faces as they stare at it, their eyes widening like saucers and their mouths hanging open.

"you know guys. Its rude to stare, and I think you might need to wipe the snow off your chins by the way." I say with a smile as their eyes snap back to me and their mouths close.

"how in the hell did you get that! That philosophers stone is huge!" Edward all but screams at me and I shrug my shoulders sighing.

"It's a bit of a long story…." I say to them, trailing off for a second, when they don't say anything I nod and pull out my cigarettes from my pocket, taking one and lighting it.

"I'm guessing it was truth anyway, that's the only thing that is REMOTLEY possible, but then again I don't know what the hell's possible, considering you two aren't supposed exist. You're from a fucking T.V. show for god's sake!" I say to them, raising my voice near the end, letting myself get angry.

I watch as they flinch, taking a drag of my smoke I sigh. "Look I'm sorry, I've just been on edge lately, for obvious reasons. I beg you, please look at it from my point of view, this happened FOUR months ago. I had given up on ever meeting you guys I resigned to myself to nothingness, and now you finally DO show up? Forgive me if I'm a bit snippy but this is REALLY. Fucking with my head, I'm barley able to hold onto reality anymore. And I can't even frakking get away from it either! I mean for fuck sake, look at this bullshit." I say as I pull out my pocket knife.

Setting my hand against the door of the truck I raise the knife and stab it through my hand, grunting in pain, making Edward yell out.

"What the hell man!? Why would… you…." I smile as he trails off as I pull the knife out, letting out a small yelp as it tears on the way out, it's what happen next that silences him as after a second red sparks fly across the slit in my hand, sealing it before our eyes.

"Same damn thing happens with bullet holes. Even if my heart is ripped apart by one." I mutter just loud enough for them to hear.

"How… wait. Why on earth would you-!" I sigh as Edward starts on a rant, I cut him off with a scowl.

"Because everyone isn't as strong as you Edward! Not everyone can be the goddamn hero! No matter how badly they want to. There's two hundred and fifty fucking million people in this country Ed. Not all of them can live there dream." I growl at him sharply my eyes staring daggers at him.

I watch as his eyes loose there fire slowly, his mouth partially hanging open, he snaps it shut a moment later and looks down.

"I'm sorry." He says simply and I nod sighing.

"No, I'm sorry Edward I didn't mean to snap like that. It's just been rough on me, I told you I gave up on life. It's hard, almost impossibly so to accept this." I say as I finish my cigarette, stamping it out on the ground.

For a moment, no more than ten seconds there's a silence between us, before Alphonse sighs and speaks.

"It's alright, it's quite understandable. We… we know what it's like to give up on something…." Alphonse mumbles out quietly, and Edward snaps his head up and stares daggers at Al.

"Al! he doesn't need to-!" Edward starts off but Al cuts him off before he can finish.

"No brother, I think he does. It was because of us he had to go through this." He says, with a strong steel in his voice.

I stare wide eyed at him for a moment before I regain my composure, as Edward stares at the ground, his braid hanging off his left shoulder, waving slightly in the wind and snow.

"We gave up ourselves… it's been eighty-nine years since we got stuck here micheal. Eighty-nine YEARS. I more than understand how you feel…." He says quietly but seriously. And suddenly, it's my turn to stare with my mouth agape.

"I… I'm sorry… I didn't think…. God I'm a selfish idiot…" I mutter as I slide to the ground, sitting on the snow covered running board of the truck.

"Can… can you tell me… Your story? What…. I mean… god, I'm confused." I say as I shake my head. Lighting another smoke.

"We chased Oppenheimer for years. All the way to America, with his project Manhattan, We… tried to stop him but… he gave a vialled argument. If America didn't use his atom bomb on the Japanese, millions upon millions would have died storming the mainland…. We… we let him use it." He says still looking at the ground.

"We had no idea what that would do to the world. I wish we would have stopped him now." He goes on sighing.

"We watched how his device changed the world, the birth of the atomic age. Never aging we watched it all, as millions of people were killed in riots in berlin; we were there when the wall came down. We watched the moon landing from our home here in town. And we watched the towers fall from our home in japan." He says and I gape at him, letting my smoke burn itself down.

"To answer your prominent question, Shō Aikawa was a family friend of ours in japan. She caught on to us when we stayed a little too long, and she noticed we didn't age. So we told her. Turns out we really shouldn't have. The next day we found our journals missing, we had written everything down in them. That's how that stupid show came into being. You have NO idea how much hell that has caused us." He spits out, almost growling at the end.

I stare at him for nearly a minute before I shake my head snapping my thoughts back on track.

"I suppose I should let you know how I got this…" I mutter quietly as I pull the stone out of my pocket, turning it over in my hand, the soft light reflecting off of the ice under me.

"it was four months ago.. August 30th to be precise. I was fishing on the river and I hooked a monster catfish, but when I was reeling it in the line snapped and I ended up in the water. I came up under the boat and cracked my head on the hull. The next thing I know, everything's white. There was no color to anything, yet I could still feel my body and hear myself talk, but all I could see was white, no shadows, no nothing, I thought I was dead. I was…. Relived, almost happy even, at least until I heard truth, I think it was him anyway I don't see any other possibility." I pause, taking a breath to relax myself, along with a drag of my cigarette.

"It was then I heard his voice… I can't… I can't even describe how… how… evil it sounded, like I was talking to the devil himself. He told me he had a gift for me, and a second later I'm coming to in a sealed, domed room. There was nothing in it except for a pedestal with the stone on it, and a transmutation circle around the perimeter of the room… ah… here." I say, trailing off as I hand them the manila folder.

"It's a pretty vivid memory, I can guarantee that's what the array looked like. It's a regular occurrence for it to be the subject of my nightmares…" I mutter pausing to take another drag of my cigarette.

"And… when I put my hand on the stone… ehhh… this happened." I say as I slip my arm out of my jacket, rolling up my sleeve, revealing the spiraling array tattooed to it.

"It literally _flowed_ onto my arm. Quite… painfully by the way, I passed out… when I came to I was back in my boat, the stone by my side and the arrays on my arm. Both are in that folder. I took as many notes as I could… most it will probably sound stupid to you but… it helped keep me sane." I say simply as I finish my cigarette stamping it on the ground adding to my collection.

I watch as they look at each other for a split second before Edward opens the folder as he walks to the front of my truck, setting it on the hood as he pulls out the first few papers, his eyes brows crawling up his head as he does so.

"These arrays are incredibly complex arrays…" he mutters quietly, obviously directed to his brother. Who looks at him, his eyes conveying… concern? That can't be right, can it?

"Do you think we can still…." He trails off, looking back at the papers, and this time it's my turn to be surprised, Edward and Alphones, doubting themselves? Impossible.

"What do you mean can you guys still do it? Your… your… you! You're the full metal alchemist! The real deal! I thought you were the best of the best!?" I almost shout my mouth agape. I couldn't believe it! The Elric brothers Doubting there Alchemy!? It was almost impossible.

Almost.

As the both stare at me, a look of reassignment and annoyance on their faces, the gears in my head go into overdrive, and I realize it really wasn't all that unbelievable. After all, they had spent eighty-nine YEARS, in this reality. And as I look into their eyes, I can see the age and knowledge behind them, far too much for the bodies of the teenagers that hold them. And after all, they themselves said they too had given up, and even if they had tried to hold onto every last memory of home they had throughout all of those years, some would have been lost, and if you gave up on ever seeing home again…..

"I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking…." I say quietly as I look away, my cheeks flushing slightly, sighing a moment later.

"Even… even if you can't, I'm pretty sure I can, I mean I do have those arrays _imbedded_ in me…." I say, trying to sound confidant, though I know immediately they don't buy it. Glancing at each other a second, as if communicating silently.

"It's alright Micheal, we will find a way. You don't need to-" he starts off in a reassuring tone and almost involuntarily, I cut him off.

"NO!" I shout out standing up, gasping when I realize what I've said, My emotions running to wild to process.

"I….I…. want to… to…" I cut myself off in a sigh as I slide back down to my seat on the running board, holding my face in my hands.

"Please understand…. I have nothing here… I have no friends. My family barley acknowledges I exist. I literally have nothing." I say before taking a deep breath.

"I want to come with you….." I say just loud enough for them to hear, almost not wanting to say it.

I hold my breath for a second, my anxiety coming back in force as my hands start shaking, an old habit I had thought I finally got rid of.

"I don't see why not?" I hear Alphonse say in a questioning tone.

"What!? Al! You could ask what I think first you know!" Ed growls out and I let out my breath practically feeling the color draining from my face.

"But still, I don't see any reason why you can't come along. If there's nothing to tie you down, why stay here right?" he says simply and I snap my head up looking at him in shock.

"You're serious? I… I… can come with you guys?" I say, just loud enough for them to hear, my voice full of shock and disbelief.

"Ofcourse, I just said that didn't I?" he says, as he smiles sheepishly, holding his hand to the back of his head, making me break out in a smile as I try not to laugh, I guess some habits really do die hard.

"Besides, I'm pretty sure we need you… even if we could work the array ourselves, something tells me it won't work without you, that is if truth is anything like I remember him anyway." He says with a shudder.

…

"what?" he says simply cocking his head at me as I give him a vacant stare, flinching slightly at the sound of his voice as I break out into a giant grin.

"For the record? The full metal Alchemist needs MY help?" I say with a rather large teasing smile on my face, holding in my laughter as he scowls.

"Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist." I say holding my hands up as I get up brushing the snow off of my legs, pretending to miss the scowl Ed throws his brother as he laughs silently.

"Sooo….. how are we going to work this?" I say motioning to my arm, and for the first time in months, no years I feel hopeful for the future.

* * *

soooooo! how bad was it? ive been really doubting myself on this one, but its been taking way to long to write and i needed something and all in all i thought this was OK but im rather nervous about it.

though, i am pretty sure i conveyed the bi-polar aspect of the character correctly. and for the record, those of you who will look at the pairings and go "... but hes a guy?" dont worry, its not gonna be yaoi, i hate that. with the burning white hot intesnity of a thousand stars. but it will make sense by the end of the next chapter.

also! one last thing! im not sure if it will work or not but does anyone know how to get the fraking spacing right? its really urking me.


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